“If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.”
– Charles Bukowski.
My mom used to hold me when I was little and I’d ask her if I was beautiful like the other girls, to which she’d reply saying it didn’t matter what I looked like on the outside, it only mattered if my mind and soul were beautiful. She’d tell me that the way you treat people is more important than the clothes you were wearing, and albeit this is a wonderful lesson I tend to forget it sometimes and focus on my bodily flaws like my big bum and my thin hair.
I’m not all about that ‘preaching’ lifestyle and I definitely don’t go through my life sleeping easy at night because I’m perfect, let’s be honest no one is perfect and no one feels perfect all the time. But I’ve recently made a conscious choice to stop tearing myself down at others expense and even if I’ve only been doing it for a couple of months I can say that my mind-set has changed – now instead of comparing my stretch-marked thick thighs with tumblr worthy thigh gaps, I’ll take a moment to understand that my body has gone through so much change and those legs I used to hate help me stand up everyday, they take me to places I’ve never been before and help me climbs mountains and explore cities.
It’s been very hard to self-love, as every human is born with a critical mind that can be our worst fear or greatest motivator. For me personally it is my greatest enemy, I am able to look at anyone and think ‘why doesn’t my hair swish in the wind like hers?’ or ‘look at that girl’s flat stomach, if I wasn’t so fat I’d be prettier’ but that’s all bullshit because you will never be that person no matter how hard you try, you were made as you and you will live as you. Ain’t no wishful thinking gonna change you being you.
So let’s all try this exercise together, when you catch yourself degrading your own skin because you don’t have the same traits that you think are beautiful remember this – you don’t know their story or their life, they are feeling the same way and your body is fine the way it is. Try to turn that negative thinking into positive loving thoughts, if your hips don’t fit into jeans then thank god he gave you big hips to dance with, to bear children with and to support your body.
The words ‘I wish I had your confidence’ is something that I’m always hearing, and I’m gonna be brutally honest with you and tell you that I fake it half the time! But I read somewhere that it is so rude to turn down a compliment or try to lower yourself by stating something negative about what they just commented on. So next time someone says ‘I love your hair’ or ‘nice nails’, you say THANK YOU SO MUCH. The way that you look at yourself will change and positivity will flow through every inch of your body.
We’re all on a self-love journey, whether you are 5″2 or 6″1, male or female, whatever nationality, skinny or chubby – don’t ever apologise for being yourself. It’s all just a part of growing emotionally, mentally and as a person.
Comment below to share your tips for growing your confidence and share your stories!